I’m continuing my little character study on Saul out of the book of 1 Samuel . . . taking a look at what made him tick.  And as I’ve said before, I think Saul’s story and eventual downfall were a result of some deep-rooted insecurities.  Last time, we looked at Saul’s family history, all of the baggage that came with being a product of the tribe of Benjamin.  And there was A LOT of baggage.  This time we’re drilling a little deeper into Saul’s heart.

In 1 Samuel 9:2,  the author describes Saul.  He says,

Kish had a son named Saul, as handsome a young man as could be found anywhere in Israel, and he was a head taller than anyone else.

So Saul was a good looking guy– the tall, dark, and handsome type.  He made all the ladies swoon.  Think Channing Tatum . . . or George Clooney if that’s more your style.  The fact is, if you were to see Saul from a distance you’d probably think he was the most confident dude in the crowd.  He had the looks, the charm, the height. . . He was a commanding presence.  But the more you examine him the more you realize that, while others saw a handsome, tall, commanding presence of a man, Saul failed to see himself that way.

Here’s what happened . . . In 1 Samuel 9 Saul and a family servant go looking for some missing donkeys.  Luckily there was a local prophet in town named Samuel, whom Saul hoped might harness his prophetic powers to locate the animals– like an ancient form of Google Maps (seems like an abuse of prophetic power to look for a couple of missing asses to me).  But then God spoke to Samuel and said, “This is the man [Saul] I spoke to you about; he will govern my people” (9:17).  So Samuel got very excited, and in his enthusiasm, let the cat out of the bag– “God wants you to be king!” (that’s a paraphrase).

Now you might imagine that a man like Saul (so tall and so handsome) was just brimming with confidence.  He’s the JFK of the land of Israel.  He looks like a leader.  I mean. if you had those qualities, wouldn’t you be confident?

Here’s how Saul reacted when Samuel told Saul he would be king . . .

But am I not a Benjamite, from the smallest tribe of Israel, and is not my clan the least of all the clans of the tribe of Benjamin?  Why do you say such a thing to me?

Saul’s reaction was less than enthusiastic.  Why?  Because Saul’s self-perception was WAYYYY different than the way the author described him.  In the eyes of everyone around him, Saul was “tall” and “handsome;” he was BIG; he was larger than life.  But to Saul, when he looked in the mirror, he saw someone who was not BIG, but “small”. . . from a small tribe, from a small clan, from a small family, with a small history and a small future.  What Saul saw and believed about himself didn’t match what the rest of the world saw.

Time out. . .

Think about the story of Cinderella for a second.  Cinderella was an emotionally abused step-daughter turned princess.  There’s a pumkin chariot, glass slippers.  You remember the story.

Question . . . Do you ever wonder what happened after the fairy tale ending?  Does Cinderella ever start to wonder why the prince chose her to be princess outta all the other girls when she came from such humble beginnings?  Does she ever have moments of doubt?  Did she ever commit some embarrassing faux pas in front of the Prince’s fancy family and feel like she never deserved to be a princess afterall?  If you saw the Disney film (or the live action one that’s soon coming to theaters– yes I have 3 daughters), you know she looked the part.  She was h-o-t, HOT!

But . . .

. . . even though she looked beautiful on the outside and appeared to be princess material when she got all fancied up, did she ever feel small on the inside?  Even after becoming a princess does she ever shed the feeling that she’s just a custodial doormat.

Here’s the point.  I think the story of Saul is a Cinderella story.  The FULL Cinderella story.  The Cinderella story that’s closer to real life.  The kind that’s a little messy.  It’s a story about a guy from the smallest tribe, the smallest clan, a guy with a lot of potential, but no matter what anyone told him he was or could be, he felt small.  God told him he was king.  Samuel was the messenger.  The rest of the community told him he was tall and handsome.  When Saul looked in the mirror, he saw someone who was

too

small

to

matter.

Even Samuel recognized this glaring insecurity in Saul much later in his life. After Saul continually bumbled and stumbled his way through his reign as king, Samuel pointedly said, “Though you are little in your own eyes, are you not the head of the tribes of Israel?” (1 Sam 15:17)  Samuel’s saying, ‘If only you could see in yourself what God has declared in you . . .”

There are a lot of people I talk to who need to hear that same message.  One of the hardest things to do in life is to believe in your heart the stuff your head knows to be true about you.  In extreme cases, there are people with eating disorders, women who are skin and bones, dying of starvation, who will swear up and down that they’re fat.  People will tell them they’re fine . . . they’re beautiful . . . but on the inside, they feel small.  The truth is, I think we all have at least a few of those nagging pieces of self-doubt.  It may not be an appearance thing.  It could be about your personality, your family, your history, your future.  Most of us can probably identify at least one little thing . . .

One little thing that consistently short-circuits the truth of what God says about us.  One little thing that continually tells us we’re too small to matter.