I remember several occasions growing up, on average spring days, my family would drop what we were doing, and we’d go hide in a closet.  I grew up in Amarillo,TX, a city that is far from the threat of hurricanes and earthquakes, but right in the middle of tornado alley– that thin vertical strip of tornado activity hovering over middle America.  My hometown sits in the center of it.

In springtimes I remember sometimes having 3 or 4 tornado warnings a week.  I remember hiding.  The sirens would blare.  The television warnings would sound.  And my family would huddle together in a small closet hoping it wouldn’t get too close. . .  We’d hear the pounding rain and the gusts of wind.  If it got too close you could hear the sound of a freight train.  But that’s why we hid.  We were afraid.

We’ve been talking about Saul, and the fact that Saul’s problem in life was less about his pride and more about his deep insecurities.  And the passage we’re looking at today paints a sadly descriptive portrait of that insecurity.

Here’s what happened.  Saul had been chosen by God and anointed by Samuel to be the first King of Israel.  Saul, the guy from the smallest clan of the least reputable tribe, was asked by God to be king.  It was a HUGE honor.  And as Samuel anointed Saul he made him the promise that the spirit of God would come on him in power and he would be “changed into a different person.”  And the passage says that “God changed Saul’s heart,” (10:9) presumably into the heart of a man who could function as king in a manner that would honor God.   So Saul has been given every opportunity to fulfill his destiny.  Saul was given the chance, all the tools he needed in his toolkit, a pretty competent advisor in Samuel, and the Holy Spirit working in him.  All Saul needed to do to fulfill his destiny of being a God-honoring king was to believe it and embrace it.

Very quickly we realize that a full emrace of his destiny was not going to happen.  Samuel called all of Israel together for a public coronation of Saul as their new king.  Again, God made it apparent that Saul was the man chosen by God.  They “drew lots” to determine who the new king would be– an ancient form of drawing straws.  God supernaturally guided them to Saul’s tribe, Saul’s clan, Saul’s family, and eventually to Saul himself.  It’s amazing!  Who could deny that Saul was the man God had chosen to be King?  But this is what the passage says:

But when they looked for him [Saul], he was not to be found.  So they inquired further of the Lord, ‘Has the man come here yet?’  And the Lord said, ‘Yes, he has HIDDEN himself among the supplies’ (10:21-22).

Question: Why was Saul hiding?

Think about it . . . if after any presidential election we have to drag our new president-elect out of hiding to get sworn in, we should be worried.

Why did Saul hide?  The more I’ve thought about it, the more I’ve realized that the only reason people hide is out of fear.  They’re afraid of a threatening enemy, a natural disaster . . . or in Saul’s case, failure.  He was freaked out by the thought that he was going to fail as a king.

Now, the truth was, it made no sense that Saul should be afraid of that.  Saul got “changed into a different person.”  God changed him.  God made him who he was supposed to be.  All he had to do was believe it and live it.  But when push came to shove, his insecurities were too strong.  He couldn’t believe he was a qualified king.

That happens to a lot of us, when we go down bad paths, or fail to pursue our dreams.  We’ve simply gone into hiding.  What’s theologically true of us, and ontologically true of us, and anthropologically true of us, can’t compete with what our little whispering insecurities say is true of us.  Those little voices tell us to run and hide.

I think when we feel that little nudge to take a spiritual risk, but we choose not to, I think we’ve gone into hiding.  When we regress into bad habits in areas where we’ve already experienced victory, I think we’re letting ourselves go into hiding.  I think every time I wonder internally if people really like me, or if this person or that person thinks I’m stupid, I’m moving away from where God wants me and moving closer to a place where I can shut myself in and hide. . .

I think every time I question my own ability to be a pastor, to lead people, to teach people or to do any of the things I really believe God has gifted me to do, I’m moving toward a lifestyle of hiding out until the storm passes, when God has given me everything I need to weather the storm with him.

And that’s the power of an insecurity– it’s all about fear.  It tends to bottle you up instead of letting you experience the goodness God has given you to experience.  And what God says is “Believe ME and what  I say about you, and stop being afraid!”  Easier said than done.